How to Cope with 40
BY KCY
Today is my 40th birthday. Yes, 40. 40. 40!!!!
This morning was like any morning. I woke up on my side of the bed, used the bathroom and went to the gym. I don’t know why, but it just seemed anticlimactic. There were no new wrinkles on my face, fat rolls on my belly or even gray hairs on my head. The same face stared back at me when I looked in the mirror.
My birthday falls at the end of the year, so all year long, I’d been seeing my friends turn 40. On their Facebooks, Instagrams, Twitters, they all posted “This is 40.” This is 40. I did not post that on my social media today.
Because what does that really mean? What do people really mean? After thinking about this for five minutes, I’ve concluded this phrase means one of three things:
A. 40 is old, but, hey, look at me, I’m 40, and I don’t look old!
B. Look at all I have accomplished, and I’m only 40.
C. I may have laugh lines, a few white hairs and some extra poundage, but this is what 40 looks like, and I’m proud!
Maybe I’m dissecting this phrase too much. Perhaps, they only meant to say, “It’s my 40th birthday today”, but I don’t think so. I believe they are trying to make themselves feel better about getting older. Because, let’s face it, no one likes to get older, and 40 is the gateway to middle age.
So, let’s take a look at what it means to turn 40. What do people think about when they turn 40, and why is this age so important?
1. We reflect on the things we have done which we are happy about.
This is different for everyone. Perhaps it’s our career, or our family, or where we have traveled. Today, I’m thinking about how far I’ve come in my career.
2. We reflect on the things we didn’t do.
Perhaps you’re a 40 year old woman who chose not to have children, but now, you’re wondering if you should’ve had children. Or maybe it’s the opposite. You had children early in life and never lived that single Sex in the City life. 40 seems to bring this sense of regret or longing in us.
3. We reflect on the things we want to do.
It could be that trip to Paris. Or that book we want to write about our family. Or that we are 40 and single and want to have a child still. All of these wants percolate and take hold of our brains on our 40th birthdays. That’s why you suddenly see a dad with a two door sportscar.
4. We are confronted with our own mortality.
Everything now seems much more urgent. We need to take that trip to Paris NOW. We need to write that book NOW. If we don’t, then we may die before we ever do.
And it doesn’t end there. We’re a little stiff in the morning. We don’t walk or run as fast. We now have to get that mammogram.
5. We are confronted with our parents’ mortality.
Mom and Dad don’t seem so young anymore. Dad walks slower. He grunts when he gets up from the floor. Mom’s been in the hospital. We are suddenly faced with the reality that our parents won’t be around forever. And that’s a scary thought.
6. We begin to contemplate more about how we can look and feel younger.
Botox? A facelift? Age defying vitamins? The articles we read now are “How to dress younger than you are”, “How to pick eyeglasses that make you look younger.” We’ve begun neck exercises to help prevent and attempt to get rid of turkey neck.
It’s a lot to take in, this turning 40 business. A lot to take in. As I see the last 40 years (well, maybe, really 35 years because who really remembers the first five years of their lives!) flash in my head, I see the experiences I’ve had. I remember the feelings I had with those experiences. I think about the dreams I had which never came to fruition, the dreams that were never really my dreams but became the best reality, and the dreams I still have. Today, I choose to embrace the triumphs and disappointments, and to look forward to more still yet to come. This is 40 for me.